i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
