Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
