So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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