I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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