So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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