you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
