Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
It's no shave November. This is our time.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
