hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
