I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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