people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
