This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
