If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
