Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
