My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
