stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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