I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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