Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
