i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
