i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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