so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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