There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
