K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
