Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize