she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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