My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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