you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
