There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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