hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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