nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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