this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
