Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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