Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
