So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
