in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
