Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
