Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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