Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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