i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize