I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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