is your mom at the bar?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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