I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
