we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
