Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize