How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
