He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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