I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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