Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
