I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
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