girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
