You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
it was like eating out sand paper
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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