Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
