its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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