After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
