I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
