how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
