Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
