i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
