best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize