Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
