She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
