oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
