honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize