So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
