Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
