Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize