Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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