He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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