I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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