There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
