don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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