things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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