if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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