This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize