I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
