dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You have to summon your inner elephant
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
